I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
