Just fell off a train. Bad.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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