Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
