How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
