my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
