Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize