i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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