Plan B is the new Plan A
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
