I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
