and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
