i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
