guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
