I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
