it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
