I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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