apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
