What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
