I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
