My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My ass is underappreciated
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
