Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
