Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I FOUND THE LEGS
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
