I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
