i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
