smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
