She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
