Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
