Yo dont text me then not text me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
