Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
