Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
