I think I died a long time ago.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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