using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
