What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
