Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
