But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
