I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
