Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
