I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
