In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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