my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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