Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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