Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
