he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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