I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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