2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
