I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
