ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
