I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
