you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
