recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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