did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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