I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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