my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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