We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
