So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize