boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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