i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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