: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
