Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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