Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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