Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
