I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
