i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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