why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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