I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
