my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize