you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She even gives head with a lisp.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
