u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize